The Equivalent to a Literate Pansy

Lately I feel like I'm the equivalent to a literate pansy.
I graduated from CSUF with a B.A. in Broadcast Journalism 2 years ago...after which I VOWED that I would NEVER pursue a career remotely related to the horrors of broadcasting.

I chose to study Broadcast Journalism for 2 reasons and 2 reasons only....
The first word in the title is "Broadcast." So I translated that to meaning, "studying to be a pretty talking head on tv."

And that sounded like a fun way to go.

Reason #2: The 2nd word in the title was "Journalism" and I LOVED to write. About anything. One time back when I was taking a reporting class, we were asked to write an obituary on ourselves.....being unable to take almost anything in life too seriously....I titled my obituary: "The Death of my Sense of Fashion." I went on to explain that I dressed like a bohemian...and not the cool kind...etc etc etc.

After only a few courses down the road to my B.A. in Broadcast Journalism, I realized that I hated what I was studying. I didn't feel passionately about any of the subjects the way my peers did, and since I didn't feel that way, I felt like I was wasting my teacher's time. Why study something if you don't love it? The obvious answer to my problem would've been to change my major, but I was already on the 5-year-college-plan, and quite literally couldn't afford to change my major (again). I started off as a theatre/public speaking major....switched to entertainment studies.....and after TRYING to convince myself that I would lose interest in theatre post-college, I made the final switch into Broadcast Journalism.

It was at that point that I realized that I needed to study something I love...even if it was only on the side....
That's how I ended up minoring in Radio/TV/Film studies....and I LOVED it.

I never thought I'd say it, but since I graduated college, I miss writing all the time. I miss deadlines. I miss that kick in the ass that pushes you to write something you never thought you'd have to balls to write about. My ability to sit down at my laptop and make something out of nothing is slowly heading down the crapper. I tried to make my way through the book, "The Spiritual Guide to Gaining back Your Creativity," but I threw in the towel within a week. I don't know what happened. And DON'T get me wrong...I'm not going to be pursuing a careers as a reporter anytime soon. But I need to push myself to write more. Even if I think that I have nothing to say....or if I feel I don't have a story to tell....there's gotta still be something there.

I was watching "Sex and the City" the other day, and I realized how much I missed New York. No..I've never lived there...only visited....but the energy...everything that it stands for...it took me back to a time in my life where my only goal was to live in NYC, and do off-off-off-off broadway theatre and attempt to pay my bills on time. Maybe I didn't make it to NYC right away, but I love the fact that things didn't happen the way I planned. Even though I'm not in the location I thought I'd be, I'm still doing what I love....I still kept theatre in my life, and thank goodness I have an employer who is willing to pay me to talk about film and television. For those of you studying something you can't stand in college...keep your chin up....it doesn't have to set the path for what you're going to do for the rest of your life...

On a final note, I might've left my broadcasting days behind me, but the experience still brought me a few laughs...
Shortly after college I auditioned to be a reporter for a hip new webisode series that was going to cover anything up and coming....my "call-back" during the audition process was to do red-carpet interviews...at a porn convention...
Now I was excited to get all dressed up and be around the hype of the red-carpet...as for the interviews, I just had to wing it....at one point in the evening I was interviewing a 250 lb. porn star with bleach blonde hair and I was b.s.ing my way through the interview. I asked her for the name of her upcoming film, and she replied, "Wicked." Of course being the dork that I am, I immediately thought of "Wicked," the musical...so I leaped up in excitement and shouted, "That's so cool!" Of course she responded with, "Yeah, I'm pretty excited about it too....lots of girl on girl action." whoops.

Cheers folks.

"The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another; and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it." — J.M. Barrie