Diary of a Receptionist

****Found in the depths of my google docs profile from the last time I had a receptionist gig****circa early 2009

I've almost hit the 5-month mark as a receptionist.
It wasn't supposed to happen this way. Trust me, never ever, not once when I was a kid, did I ever utter the words, "When I grow up, I want to be a receptionist." It is not what I wanted to grow up to be, and to be quite frank, I don't even consider myself to "be" a receptionist.

I'm an actor/writer trying to make it in L.A. (Aren't we all?) Isn't every receptionist in L.A. secretly air-brushing their headshots on photoshop while they answer phones? Aren't all receptionists writing spec scripts as they pretend that they're putting in a supply order for their boss? The receptionist job is the job for dreamers, at least, that's how I have to see it for now.

Here's why I am in the position that I'm in.

I could easily blame it on the recession. Before the recession, things were going ok. I was living the actor dream. Was I landing big roles and being exploited on the cover of US weekly? No, but in the world of "starving amateur actors" I was doing alright. I had an agent. He never got me one audition, but I had one, and that was enough to justify me quitting my full-time job. It was a start. I had headshots. Sure, I would have to get veneers and stand in front of a fan during an audition to look like my headshots, but there you go. I was in a short film that was heading down the festival circuit. That alone sounds good. I don't need to mention that my performance in it makes me cringe when I watch it. Saying I was any good in it is the equivalent of saying that Julia Roberts knows how to play someone other than herself. All the same things were fine, but not where money was concerned. I was making a living by critiquing screenplays. I was making a whopping $10/script, but I kept the gig because it was flexible and also the only job I could find right away. I would pound through 5 scripts a day. I could be found dragging myself through hours of poor grammar choices, only to push myself into the world of characters that were under-developed and all on only one cup of coffee. I was lucky to land a part-time job working for Radio Disney, but alas, the money wasn't there and the economy was continuing to go through her raging case of p.m.s. and self-esteem issues. It was at this point that my bills weren't getting paid, and that my dream of somehow being able to live in NYC seemed farther away. It was time to suck it up and get a full-time job.

That's how I became a receptionist.

Some people my age are on the path they want to pursue. Others are doing odd jobs to pay the bills so that they can do what they love on the side. Right now I'm the receptionist who cakes on lipstick hoping that the next person who walks in the lobby will discover me. kidding. The truth is, life completely overwhelms me. The whole concept is completely exciting and I don't know how people are able to stay so focused on what they want to do with their life. There are so many possibilities out there. I could take a fencing class and learn how to be a proper pirate. I could take out a loan and travel around Spain. I could learn a new language via podcasts. All of these opportunities. All of these things that life has to offer. My inability to focus has caused me to not do any of these things. (Except re-learn German via podcast.) I guess all I can do is take it one step at a time.

i wish that were me.

I hit a landmark year.
25....
which means 2 things.
I can rent a car.
I can also start "accidentally lying about my age" and have it viewed as being ok by society.
Age is just a number right? That's my new motto...it's also the motto of most 18-year-old boys who are chasing after the 25-year-old erika's of the world.
Turning a new age always makes me think. It's another excuse to take inventory of myself and find the things that need to be fixed because let's face it...if you're not improving...what are you doing?

Here's me as of now:

I don't open my mail. I have too much faith in the internet and figure that all my bill payment info that I ever need to know about is resting someplace in cyberland, so there is no need for me to open my mail. All the same, I never throw my mail out. I'm petrified there's an account number on the piece of unopened mail that someone will run across and steal my identity.

My tendency to be "an open book" is NOT a clear example that I am a confident person. I'm starting to realize that I am the most insecure person I know. I'll tell you more than you want to hear to make you think I'm completely extroverted. To be honest, I'm shy as hell.

I am the perfect example of a "Google society." I can tell you how to become a yoga instructor, what your name means in the urban dictionary, how to find vile shaped shot glasses or how to earn a Master's Degree in Ireland...but I can barely remember to do my laundry.

I drink too much water. It sounds like a good thing, but it's a curse when your body wakes you up at 3am every morning to down another bottle.

I have an irrational fear of possums.

I loathe the fact that restaurants now list the amount of calories for each item. It makes you look like an ass in front of your friends. If I order the 1,000 calorie nachos instead of a salad, then I'm the idiotic friend who doesn't care and ordered the 1,000 calorie nachos. If I mention that the nachos contain 1,000 calories, then I'm the friend who worries too much about my weight. Lose/lose situation.

Starbucks drive-thru tip jars make me nervous. I never carry cash. Therefore, I can never tip. I guess it goes the same if I ordered inside rather than in the drive-thru, but staring at that lonely tip jar alone on the outside counter makes me feel more sorry for it.

Sometimes I wake up and look in the mirror and I love my nose. I love my weird nose and how it fits on my face. Other mornings I hate it. Is there such thing as temporary plastic surgery? Just for the days that my nose bugs me? Don't get me wrong, I don't want permanent plastic surgery, but once in a blue moon on those "bad nose" days would be nice.

I always forget to tweeze my eyebrows.

I give in easily to peer pressure. If the lemmings jump off the cliff I'm not only following, but I probably posted a status update on facebook saying how proud I am that I'm following.

I've become a pro at streaming free tv online. I could tell you where to find everything from a new episode of "Big Bang Theory," to the original "Dawson's Creek" series.

I've just realized that I have not come up with a way to improve upon myself, but listing some of your weird flaws/habits has to be a good start...it just has to be.

Brain Constipation.

It's exactly 1:23 a.m. I vowed that I would be sleeping already so that I would be ready for the 12:30 call-time in the morning, but alas, still awake. My brain is completely constipated. It's backed up with a story or rant, and I feel like there's a synapse somewhere that is misfiring because I can't for the life of me tell you what the story is...I just know that it's there...somewhere. So I'm going to tap away at this keyboard until something, anything comes out so that I can feel at peace and finally get some sleep.

I guess I can tell you about my day.

I woke up at 11 a.m. which is absurd for me. I can't sleep in without feeling guilty. I managed to roll out of bed and throw on a pair of shorts and a tank top. I must add that it was pouring down rain when I awoke, so I had already started the day off on a weird note.

Woke up starving and acutely aware that there was no food in the house. Finding no way to justify having a beer for breakfast, I treated my brother to breakfast.

Fell asleep watching Saw III, which upsets me because I have actually been meaning to catch up on my Saw flix.

Drove in the rain and realized that my Jeep is still leaking when it pours. The plastic casing around my ceiling lights filled up with water and leaked all over the dash board. It was a water ride in the front seat of my car today. I probably won't take my car in to get it fixed...not because I don't want to spend the money, because to be honest, do you know anyone who gets rained on while driving their car? I thought not. Now I can be that person for you.